Anger Management in Relationships

Have you ever felt like your anger and mood swings have been coming in between you and your perfect life? Anger is a subtle, destructive emotion that can rear its head anytime, and destroy your happy moments. Learn to handle anger management in relationships to lead a better, happier life.

Anger displaces you. It can make you lose your mind, your temper, respect, relationships and also a whole lot of other things with a spiraling effect that could end in you losing your well-being and your self.
It could even make you lose your freedom and in the worst-case scenario, your life. However bad, it is neither an unfamiliar emotion nor is it a rare occurrence in our lives.

HANDLING ANGER MANAGEMENT IN RELATIONSHIPS
Experiencing It

In fact, we either experience or confront it in varying degrees of intensity every day. Though anger is one of nature’s ways of equipping us to defend ourselves, anger should not be viewed purely as a reflex action, as anger out of control can turn destructive and lead to aggression. Evolution lies in how well we manage anger.

Anger management is not a predominant subject. Anger as an emotional disturbance is dealt with too trivially because of its sheer pervasiveness, allowing it free rein.

Tranquility fights a losing battle as anger sulks and fumes, sparks and fuels discord all around the world, wrecking relationships and killing composure.

Expressing It

Mental health experts have advised us on the soundness of immediately expressing our anger as opposed to suppressing it. The rationale being, sounding out will help relieve pent up emotions. It’s the pressure cooker effect, you have to let out steam or the pressure will build up. But what if you turn off the flame to begin with?

Latest research has gone a few steps further to reveal that expressing anger can be very harmful, making you prone to hypertension, strokes and even heart attacks. In fact, most often anger stems from an attitude or belief, which might be insecurity or condemnation. Strong expression only serves to strengthen the feeling and escalates the situation, paving the way for it to happen again and again.
Intimidation might be just one of the milder outcomes when one resorts to expressing anger.

It is harder to escape the anger cycle. The momentary relief gained by expressing oneself is short-term and is followed by remorse, then by resentment, irritation and from there, one is just a step away from anger. Physical or verbal abuse follows. Fear and hostility or fury might build up in the person at the receiving end who could be suppressing anger toward you.

Suppressing It

Reacting to anger by either suppressing anger or repressing anger has its own dangers.
Recurrent suppression of anger would lead to resentment. Resentment is like poison breeding morbidity and early mortality. Suppressing anger can take a severe toll on emotional, mental and physical health, just like repression, which refers to the act of immediately putting the event out of the mind.

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How to Apologize and Say Sorry to a Lover

Saying you’re sorry is easy, but learning to apologize the right way with these 8 essentials and 3 ways can save your love and bring both of you closer! 

 

Flowers and cards can say, “I’m sorry” but alone, they just don’t cut it when you are trying to give a sincere apology to the person you love.

When we honestly apologize to someone, it is because we want forgiveness.

We want to be let off the hook for whatever wrongdoing we’ve done, or hurt we’ve caused.

And you can’t always receive the forgiveness you seek when you simply flop down a bouquet with a generic thank-you card.

Apologies take effort, and you should take the time to formulate a genuine apology with the following eight steps.

The 8 essential steps of apologizing to a lover

#1 Find out what exactly happened. Don’t guess what the issue is, ask your boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse to clearly tell you what you said or did to hurt them.

#2 If you are at fault in the situation, then you should take responsibility for your actions.
Placing the blame elsewhere is immature and will set you back further, possibly risking your relationship.

#3 You should prepare your apology, taking into account what you want to say and how you want to say it. Also, you should keep the delivery of your apology, such as the time and place, in mind.

#4 Say sorry sincerely. If you’re not genuine, the apology will definitely fail and you will be back to square one.

#5 Be grateful and thank the person for listening to you. Depending on what you’ve done, that could be more difficult than you understand.

#6 Don’t assume you will be excused, and instead ask for forgiveness.

#7 Remember to be patient. Sometimes, accepting an apology can take time, and your partner needs space to think about what comes next.

#8 Follow through on your word. If, in your apology, you agree to do something, or stop doing something, make sure you honor those promises.

Now, while these are the fundamental steps to creating a meaningful apology, you also need to take into consideration the differing degrees of an apology.

While a modest sorry might be acceptable if you forgot to call, that won’t fly if you’ve done something severely untrustworthy like break an important vow.

Depending on the amount of hurt you’ve caused, and the nature of the situation, you can apply the eight essential steps of apologizing to one of these three different degrees of apologies.

The 3 differing degrees of apologies

#1 The Simple Apology

The first degree of apology is for those small things that we could just let pass by without any apology at all.

But, if you truly love your partner, you will want to acknowledge even the smallest wrongdoing, and give a short but sweet apology to let them know you care. Your partner will be thankful that you are concerned with all of their wants and needs, and have taken the time to address why they are upset.

For example, my boyfriend’s work involves being contracted out to many different fundraising, and promotion events, that often run late into the night. I attend many of these events, but when I don’t, I simply ask him to send me a quick message so I know approximately what time he will be home.

If I don’t get a text, I wake up well into the night freaked out, worrying that something bad has happened. My anxiety is probably the result of losing too many people to road accidents, but it is still something I need his help with soothing, when he is going to be working late.

One night he forgot to text me, and I sat up until 3:30 am trying to contact him. His phone died, and he didn’t think to send a message from a friend’s phone. I was upset, all I needed was a quick update so I didn’t need to worry.

When he got home and I confronted him about the situation. He was defensive at first, and didn’t seem to think he had done anything wrong. After I explained where my anxiety came from, he offered the perfect simple apology.

He kissed my forehead, hugged me and said, “I’m sorry that I worried you. Next time if my battery dies I will borrow someone’s phone and let you know.”

Short and simple, and yet effective. If he had chosen to shrug it off instead of apologizing, I most likely would have harbored secret resentment over that. It was something little, yes, but it still mattered to me.

#2 The Nice Gesture Apology

No one is perfect, and sometimes, even the most organized person can forget an important date, event, or responsibility.

I’m not a freak over birthdays but a nice good morning birthday kiss, and tea in bed would be nice. But this year, my boyfriend forgot, and all I got was a rushed goodbye kiss, and no mention to expect anything fun later that day.

Thanks to social media, my boyfriend realized his blunder mid-day and called me, and he promised to make it up to me. He organized a nice gesture apology in the form of a dozen heart balloons *I’m not really one for roses*, and a delicious birthday cake.

A good gesture apology doesn’t need to be too big, but it can’t be too small either. It should be just enough to let your partner know you are truly sorry.

#3 The Wholehearted Apology

The third degree of apology is for those of us that have really messed something up big time. This apology isn’t for forgetting to call, or mixing up a birthday. It is in response to something that could cause serious relationship turmoil.

The wholehearted apology is somewhat less concerned with what you do, or what gifts you bear, and more about what you say, and how you follow up.

Imagine you have done something you cannot take back, and many consider a deal breaker – you’ve cheated on your partner.

No amounts of flowers or chocolates are going to offer your partner the apology they need if monogamy was something you promised each other in your relationship.

The wholehearted apology thus should begin with some deep reflection on why you are in this situation in the first place, and where to go next. Even if you’ve done something so big that it might mean the end of your relationship, you still need to offer a well thought-out, wholehearted apology.

You need to think of exactly what it is that you want to say, and how you want to say it. You need to be honest, and insightful. Don’t say things that are typical, and what your partner is expecting. Say the truth, even if it sucks.

Wholehearted apologies are the hardest, because sometimes, you won’t be forgiven. The best that you can do is to offer your sincere regret, uphold the promises you made after the apology, and try to learn from your mistakes.

Apologizing in love

While these essential steps, and different degrees of “I’m sorry” can help you out if you’ve made a mistake in love and need to apologize, they are not fail proof.

Not all things can be forgiven. If you’ve done something truly menacing or cruel that could likely have a lasting impact on a relationship, regardless if an apology is given or not, forgiveness might be hard to come by.

It’s best to steer clear of such a situation from the beginning, and instead be honest and trustworthy throughout your relationship. Then you won’t need to do so much apologizing.

So the next time you’ve fumbled in love and want to apologize and say sorry, in a small or big way, keep these 8 essential steps and 3 different kinds of apologies in mind. And for your relationship’s sake, do the right thing!

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But we can’t do it without YOU!

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The Introvert’s Foolproof Guide to Dating an Extrovert

Are you an introvert who’s dating an extrovert? Don’t let your opposite social preferences cost you your relationship by following these 12 easy tips!

Initially, when dating, there is often attraction between introverts and extroverts since each partner consistently offers what the other is missing within their life and character. The extrovert can liven up the introvert and motivate them to take action, while the introvert can calm the extrovert down when needed and act as a steady source of quiet comfort.

As the relationship progresses and the pair ends up spending more time together, they may start to get on each other’s nerves. If you’re the introverted partner, you may start to wonder what you saw in your “loudmouth” mate to begin with!

Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that the relationship must end. For the introvert who really wants to make things work with an extroverted sweetheart, here are some tips to help you do just that without going crazy.

12 things you can do to make dating an introvert easier

For all the introverts out there who have fallen into the arms of a loving extrovert, we’re here to help you get along even better! So here are our top tips:

#1 Take some time for yourself. Remember that you don’t need to spend every minute with someone just because you’re in a relationship with them. Introverts use alone time to recharge their personal batteries. That’s why you need to make sure you’re getting enough.

Take a few hours to read a book, do an artistic project, go for a solo walk or engage in whatever solitary activity makes you feel at peace. You’ll find that you will return to your partner feeling refreshed and able to look at the relationship in a more positive light.

#2 Accept their frequent activities with friends. Just as introverts recharge their batteries by spending time alone, extroverts recharge theirs by being with other people, especially in groups. Therefore, if your extroverted honey wants to go out with the guys or girls multiple times per week, don’t turn it into a huge issue.

An extrovert who stays home in silence too long usually begins to get depressed, and being in a relationship with someone who’s constantly glum won’t be much fun for you, anyway. That’s why you must understand that your partner needs some time to be out and about.

#3 Set up guidelines regarding phone calls and texts. Generally, introverts and extroverts differ in the way they use their cell phones. As you may know from personal experience, introverts are often slower to respond to texts, and sometimes won’t pick up a ringing phone if they’re busy or just not in the mood to talk – in fact, they may not even have the phone on at all.

On the other hand, extroverts find turning a phone off a foreign idea and they enjoy being in frequent contact with many people, including their partners. If you don’t want to be interrupted at certain times, such as during work or your fitness classes, simply tell your extroverted partner in a polite manner to avoid any misunderstandings about you “ignoring” him or her.

#4 Communicate your needs. Occasionally, as an introvert, you may shut down and stop communicating when you’re experiencing difficulties. The problem is, since extroverts would never act this way themselves, they either get totally confused by this behavior or don’t even notice that anything is amiss.

Introverts who want additional needs met must clearly express these needs out loud to an extroverted partner if they want to leave any guesswork and misunderstanding out. Speaking up may not be your forte, but staying mum will just leave you with worse relationship problems.

#5 Be open to conversation about anything. On the flip side, introverts may be shocked by how much an extroverted partner shares with them in conversation, especially when this information relates to the extrovert’s feelings. As a private introvert, you may wonder why someone would even bring such personal things out into the open.

Make sure you don’t dismiss your partner when they bare their soul, though, or try to assuage any negative emotions by passing them food or drink. What they really want in this sort of situation is to talk and pour their hearts out. As an introvert, you may find that listening as your partner takes the floor works the best in your relationship. Of course, your input would also be very welcome in this regard.

#6 Tell them to put a lid on it when necessary. There may be some situations in which an extrovert truly will talk too much, in which case they could use a little reminder of how loud or boisterous they’re becoming.

If you’re out at an event and you notice that your significant other is being so boisterous that they could be considered obnoxious and annoying, it’s fine to take them aside and ask them to scale their behavior back a couple of notches. If they’re just having a great time, though, and others seem to be enjoying their company, let them be.

#7 Interrupt them when needed. If you’re an introvert dating an extrovert, you may notice that they tend to talk on and on and on, seemingly forgetting that they’re in a two-way conversation.

It’s not part of an introvert’s natural style to interrupt, but if you can learn to do this to add more content to the conversation, your extroverted partner may even be delighted since they’d be able to enjoy a discussion or a friendly debate.

#8 Accompany them to some social events. While introverts usually prefer to attend a small amount of carefully-selected social gatherings, most extroverts enjoy all kinds of social events with various groups of people. Depending on their interests, they see these events as places to make new friends or to network for business purposes.

You could try to attend a few of these social functions with your extroverted partner, even if they leave you feeling a tad tired, as this will show your partner that you support them and are interested in what they’re doing. In turn, you can ask your partner to accompany you when you feel like having a quiet evening at home.

#9 Don’t expect them to sit still for hours at a time. Introverts are often masters at sitting still. Four-hour opera? No sweat. Three-hour lecture or film? Not a problem, either. For extroverts, however, having to sit still for prolonged time periods, especially without talking, is very tedious or even infuriating.

While it’s okay to ask your extroverted partner to accompany you to the occasional lengthy, quiet event, especially if you attend social events with them, acknowledge that they don’t enjoy these events as much as you do.

#10 Recognize the difference between friendliness and flirting. Extroverts tend to be open and gregarious with everyone, including strangers, while introverts, although polite, show a bit more reserve. This difference between the two becomes a problem when an introvert starts to think that a friendly extroverted boyfriend or girlfriend is actually flirting with someone else.

If you’re an introvert, you should not immediately assume that this is the case, unless the extrovert is using incredibly sexual or romantic language. Remember that conversing with a variety of people is how an extrovert has fun, and he or she will still be going home with you at the end of the day.

#11 Tell the extrovert what you want them to keep private. Many extroverts are such open books that they don’t realize that other people, particularly more introverted types, want to keep some details of their lives private. They often spill everything to their family members and close friends, without stopping to consider whether the person who gave them the information would want it to be spread around or not. Hence, if there are some details about yourself that you want your extroverted partner to keep between you two, it’s best to come right out and tell them so.

#12 Make sure you remain an equal partner. Sometimes an extrovert, just because they’re louder, unintentionally takes control of a relationship. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, so all interactions naturally come to revolve around the extrovert’s needs, and everything the couple does begins to relate to what the extrovert wants to do.

As an introvert, you must not let this happen. Communicate your needs, as discussed in Tip #4, so that you can remain an equal partner. Otherwise, you’ll begin to resent your boyfriend or girlfriend for having everything their way, and if your relationship does end, you’ll feel as if you’ve lost your personal identity and have no idea what to do next.

A relationship between an introvert and an extrovert, if handled correctly, can be mutually satisfying for the long term. If you, as in introvert, would follow the tips given above, and your partner is willing to meet you in the middle, you will in all likelihood be able to find harmony in your relationship.

We’re trying hard to create better relationships in the world.
But we can’t do it without YOU!

Did this feature help you better yourself or your relationship?
You can change someone else’s life too!